Yes my friends.. yet again its time... and time is 4.20AM... i hadn't got a chance to catch an eye yet... but eeh you know the usual timing... Anyway... I realized i have been chasing a something so far in my life for actually nothing. I used to think there was something in the something i was chasing but trust me it was nothing. I guess nothing satisfies the addiction to "more" coz the more you want something the more the "more" feeling increases.. its like fighting a pig ,the more dirtier the fight the more the chances that the pig will win.
I have had enough of just being always a finalist, yeah that is what i see my life as... trust me even in some major cases it was like "ah shit if only u came earlier" or "if only we met earlier" or "shit if i had spoken then".... yeah i think my life has always been like this... and the fun of being a finalist is atleast i fought till the end... you can say that if you wanna see the glass half-full. And yes i cant give anything up easily man... That is a major issue too... Maybe i need to calm down in life and just realize i have a grip, but i am numb... my hands are like those of the G.I.Joe action figures... i cant hold-on to present life and i cant leave my past.
I am not sure i am not the only one...yaa am not the only one... this path i am goin on may not be the path that says "Danger" on it but i do doubt it sometime if this path is the one that takes me to my destination.
Well i contemplate that too... whether if i know my destination. Coz to me it definitely looks like my destination is a random variable with no limits :)
I think i realize the weight of things only when i outshine myself.. like i wouldn't realize how nice it is to get a A+ till i get one...coz i m sure i'd be more comfortable with being just the finalist.....
Self satisfaction has become such a big obligation to me now, i wanna do it but i don't wanna do it coz its against myself to be selfish or self-righteous. Its like a hostess snow ball, i love it..for its texture but i hate it for its taste....
Sometimes i feel i have trouble to break the ice between me and the different me's i find between myself... there are parts of you... thoughts in your head you want to embrace... things you wanna do... person you wanna be or what not... i think i have communication problem with those me's...takes me time to change.... thats the logical explanation i guess....
love
\m/
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