Been there done that... been the bad man.. been hated and fated for hiding the truth... conscience is long gone boss.. cant understand is it vengeance or penance i seek... my fist clenches in agony but the best i can do is to keep my cool and crack it open instead of acting like a fool... Feel like putting a finger down my throat and taking the pain off....as sugegested by "Who" is this what life is... is life all about partial truths and white lies.... is it all about making decisions...
I find it rather hard to keep up with responsibilities, does that necessarily mean am a coward.. i guess i just down wanna grow up anymore... i dont want these days to just go by trying to living upto other's expectations.... i wanna rise out of myself first before i rise upto them....could've been easier on me if you can pretend as the person i wanted you to be instead of you forcing me to be the person you want me to be..... forgot the taste of "carefree"ness.....
Whats rising within me i dunno, neither do i know what i need and what i want... i just keep regressing the name i brought to myself... as days go by everything is striking me back like a boomerang... dunno whom to trust and whom do i not.... and what do i trust the person with...??!!
Wounds i've taken and given...all of them,everything is coming into account now, its time for the inevitable. Something, a force of some kind is drawing things towards the end... but the end of what... there are too many paths converging... insecurity strikes me big time and all my options seem only like an escape route... kicked out of my comfort zone against my will.... i cant seem to find the conspiracy cosmos is playing this time.... Fear taking over me with every breath... self control or loosing myself what seems more appropriate i have no effing clue....
Flipped inside out... I am not what i was meant to be anymore, i only see faces, i dont see people anymore.... sometimes i dont make sense but i am not gonna try to convince people who are turning their back on me... or even people stabbing me in the back....
Guess i just need to wait and see whats in store for......
