I am starting to get more vulnerable deliberately. I try to give off this strong and relaxed outlook with a lot of effort now, It used to be something which came to me without any effort. I have urges to spontaneously explode now... Head as light as a feather, nothing sometimes feels to be getting better. I unwillingly coincidentally have constantly been landing in the same situation. I feel as painful as being hanged upside down from the roof, but some part of me is enjoying this head rush and some part is fighting out. The deeper am digging the more its bleeding, but this pain is sweet rather than bitter. An inconvenient truth for me to live with and lie about.
I see this beauty queen for sale in a window, shining and smiling, but once i buy her, I will have no one to hate anymore except for me. It is a catch-22 situation as one would describe. And for those who are wondering, the beauty queen i am talking about is not some girl, I am more materialistic.... Come on......
Plus i am a one woman man ;)
Ok... There are so many things trapped inside my head, my head feels like my computers hard disk now, heats up every time i try to access more files from my directories. And trust me the last save point is way long ago to restore the system. I've given up trying, it puts me out of most troubles. So i've learnt to try to make the most of what my RAM has, that is., short term memory, specifically meaning present. Hmmm interesting how basic computer theory is so similar to human mentality. Well it was meant to be.
I am personally trying to create for myself this whole new dimension where everything around me is perfectly in harmony with myself. Like a great man once said "Never under estimate three things. I, ME and MYSELF"
I am not gonna try to too hard to do something bombastic. I am probably gonna wait for it to happen. Coz i have discovered you cant change the course of events no matter what. For all that i know, i might just be blowing things out of proportion, but according to my own experience i am not the type to intentionally do that. I Will have the final laugh, i'll steal it if required. I am a tough kid brought up in the streets of hyderabad. Please catch my drift. I am evil, Yes i am. Do not get me into action coz i'll strip you to the bone.
I shall keep wandering and colliding head on with my own demons, demons who i thought were my friends. Late better than never. This battle continues.....